You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
