Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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