Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
