did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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