i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
