WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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