I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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