6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
