this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
