am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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