I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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