you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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