2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
