don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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