I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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