...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
