I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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