im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
