Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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