there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
