some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
