elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize