I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
