After last night, I could never be a politician.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
