She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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