Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up under a house in Key West
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
