I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
