dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
