I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
