so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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