i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize