So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
