check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
