In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
