Duck Duck Cougar?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
