I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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