you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
