tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
