I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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