Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
