HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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