Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize