She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
