Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
