oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
