Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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