anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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