I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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