I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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