Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
