I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
