If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
