She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
