That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
