There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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