worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize