Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You ruined the universe
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
