u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
