some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
