i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
