I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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