Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We are two peas in an std pod
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
