You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
