Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
