Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
