Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
