Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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