So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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