Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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