Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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