Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
